Consequences
by MightyMTreeGrl
Summary: A Parody of all CharlieClaire fictions.
1. Chapter 1

Charlie is sitting on the beach, watching the waves. He's got really big ears, bright blue yes, that are gray. And other I imagine. Claire is a pregnant lady with long, blonde hair and a surly disposition. Claire approaches, armed with a small child.

They had a fight. blah, Charlie isn't on drugs, but Claire's a stupid bint. No explanation needed.

"Hiiii, Charlie!" She crooned in her most flirtatious voice, whipping her blond locks are her as she smiled. Charlie began to cry unduly. Claire continued to smile. Charlie continued to cry. Dr. Jack walked up to them from the MYSTERIOUS JUNGLE.

Dr. Jack is a tall, skin-headed doctor of mythology from Crayola University. He is always squinting, even at night, he is squinting. Always- rain or shine, and it doesn't snow on islands, but if it did, well then Squinty would be sure to keep up the good work. Doesn't his face hurt after a while? I guess he's just used to it.

Squinty squinted and stated the obvious to Claire. "Charlie's crying." Claire nodded. SUDDENLY- a grapefruit thrown by a jealous Fugitive Kate smacked the backside of Claire's head. Jack, whose squint has gotten rather tighter lately, doesn't see what happens, but hears a thick clunk.

"Wha-wha-wha happen-ned?" He stammered perfectly. Claire screamed, "SHE'S TRYING TO HURT MY BABY!" And Squinty, thinking that Charlie was extremely effeminate, pressed the lock-shaped button on his super-conveyor-belt and John Locke, a bald exparaplegic, beat the crap out of the still wimpy Charlie. This really didn't make any sense so they cut to a Wireless Commercial.

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER TWO


	2. Chapter 2

Fugitive Kate was eating a bloodied grapefruit on the beach. Nothing else was happening except for some oddly shaped, and extremely loud helicopter-shaped clouds buzzing noisily through the air. Kate almost though she heard a voice come from one of the clouds, but the buzzy little helicopter shapes were eaten up by the monster-looking cloud. Kate smiled and thought, "Nature is a funny thing as she watch the clouds fall on a far-off mountain-top and catch fire. "I didn't know clouds could catch fire, "she thought. Dr. Jack, of Crayola University, was cutting down a tree with a herring. Drugie Charlie approached, armed with a small child.

"Hey, Jack!" Said a very friendly Charlie. Dr. Jack of Crayola University spun around on his heel, and then got dizzy and fell. Somewhere on the beach, Kate had a strange feeling that her man was in danger, so she leapt from the log she had been sitting on, and raced through the jungle until she came upon a Squinty-McSquinster from Crayola University. He awas lying on the dirt, holding his head in his hands and moaning in agony. Kate, taking this as a sign that Charlie had attacked him, began kick-boxing. Charlie put Aaron down, so as to protect him from the angry kick-boxing Fugitive Kate. By the time the police arrived on the scene, the chapter was over.

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER THREE


	3. Chapter 3

Charlie lay in a tent made of polar bear skins, silently wondering why he was in lying in a tent made of polar bear skins when Squinty Jack from Crayloa University entered. In his left hand was a plastic bottle filled with rain water. In his left was a portable television set. Charlie sat up, clutching his broken arm with an obvious sense of lost respect as Squinty explained the TV set.

"RandomArabianGuy found it on the top of Mount Vesevius."

Charlie coughed loudly. "MOUNT VESUVIUS? That's the volcano that killed all those poor Romans!" Squinty tilted his head thoughtfully. "Yeah your right." He shrugged. "Weird co-winky-dink." Squinty said. Charlie couldn't believe it.

Squinty Jack turned up the volume on the TV set. "THE ISLAND IS EVIL. IT IS NOT A FUN PLACE. THERE IS A MONSTER WHO ATTACKS PEOPLE WEARING A TIE. THE ISLAND IS EVIL. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD!MY LEG! NO! GOD! MY LEGG!"

Jack turned it off. "I wonder what that means." During the TV's announcement, Charlie had gotten up, walked out of the tent and been promptly attacked by Fugitive Kate. Claire, armed with a small child, approached. "KATE. Stop!" Fugitive Kate turned around and told her life story. The rest of the people felt sympathy on her and joined her in her plight to ruthlessly beat Charlie up.

Nobody was chained the the wall by a chain that was attached to a wall until Chapter Four was born.


End file.
